Jaune McLovin
by JonathanSerpico
Summary: Jaune Arc attempts to pass himself off as a the badass Charles McLovin in order to fake his way into Beacon. His entrance interview turns into a wild night drinking, evading the White Fang, and destroying Professor Goodwitch's car with Professor Port and Doctor Oobleck. After passing off his nausea as motion sickness, Jaune makes his first step as a student of Beacon.
1. McLovin: The Man from Mistress

_Who does this kid think he's fooling?_ Professor Port and Doctor Oobleck stared at the boy in front of them.

He looked normal enough. Blond, messy hair covered his forehead, a _completely_ unwarranted amount of confidence plastered on that shit-eating grin of his. His hands were behind his head, tipping back in his chair as he explained why he belonged in Beacon.

"I just don't think I can progress any farther at my current combat school. I'm already at such a high level, and my headmaster agrees: I should move on to an academy in order to train to be a huntsman." How was he able to smirk like that? These transcripts, the references, even the school were all obviously fake!

"And what brought headmaster...Red Rocker...to this conclusion?" Professor Port found himself surprisingly amused at the ludicrous story the kid was selling.

"Well, it happened right about when I fought off a stampede of Goliaths to save Professor Rocker's pet corgi. Or maybe it was before that when I saved his wife from a savage Boarbatusk just as she went into labor...hey, is he doing all right?" Over in the corner, the already twitchy Doctor Oobleck was stifling his laughter so much that he appeared to be having a seizure.

"He's fine mister..."

"Charles sir. Charles Goldenrod McLovin." Doctor Oobleck collapsed loudly, knocking his head against the wall.

* * *

 _AAAAAAGGGHHHHH! WhatamIdoing? WhatamIdoing?_ Inwardly, Jaune was panicking. Professor Red Rocker? Van Hagar Academy? Who did he think he was fooling? The fat Professor was already suspicious, and the thin one in the corner definitely knew he was a fake! The only thing he could do it this point was bluff until they kicked him out...

But they hadn't turned him away yet. _OK Jaune,_ he said to himself. _Remember what grandfather said._

 _Never, EVER show weakness. Otherwise, the world will take advantage of that weakness. Then, you will just keep getting taken advantage of. Especially by women..._

Jaune started. Well, the old man did have his own issues to deal with. It was best to just stay away from that topic around him.

At the very least, they hadn't directly accused him of perjury, fraud, or falsification just yet. That meant, he still had a chance. And if there was even the slightest possibility of him becoming a hunter...

Jaune eased back into his seat. There was no way he was going to let grandfather's weapons waste away in the living room. The Arc family name would be known among huntsmen for generations...Wait! He was entering under a false name! Shoot! it was too late to change it! Gosh! Darn! Heck!

* * *

Doctor Oobleck had pulled himself together enough to ask Jaune some questions. "So Mister Charles Goldenrod McLovin may I call you Charles? Charles, tell me more about this Van Hagar academy you attended. I must confess I am not familiar with Van Hagar Academy. Where exactly is it located?"

Jaune blinked at the speed Doctor Oobleck rattled off his word. "Oh..Oh! Right, it is located on, Mistress, yeah Mistress. It is right in my transcripts..."

"I see...Mistress...an archipelago under joint governance by Atlas and Mistral...this is the first I've heard of such a place..." Jaune tensed. "Oh well! Learn something new everyday!" Jaune visibly relaxed, and Doctor Oobleck too the chance to have a silent conversation with Professor Port.

 _Peter. You know this is a total sham, right?_

 _I know Bartholomew, but look at the effort he put into this. I rarely see such passion from my own students!_

 _It is the same for me. I wish I had just one student who applied themselves as diligently as this young gentleman right here._

After a moment without further nonverbal communication, Peter Port didn't say _Bart, follow my lead._

 _Wait, what?_ But Professor Port already was saying."Mr. McLovin, my boy, it is getting late, and Doctor Oobleck and I were planning on going to get some drinks later this evening. Would you mind if we changed the venue of our interview? You transcripts do say you are 18, after all."

"I suppose," Jaune said. He only made himself older on paper.

"Then let's go get drinks at Junior's Bar!" boomed Port.

 _Oh, that is why they wanted to know my age. Wait a minute, a bar?!_ thought Jaune.


	2. Two Blondes Diverged in a Bar and I

**For Adam Taurus, I plan to write him fairly ridiculously. He will be the main instigator of the rest of the night's events. This is my first fic, so if you have feedback I welcome it.**

* * *

Junior was not having a good night.

First, Torchwick strong-armed him out of some men for whatever questionable activities he did. Second, that psychotic blonde tease had wrecked both his manhood, bar, and jaw. And now, two hunters and yet _another_ towhead wanted to be waited on while his bar was still in shambles.

Junior sighed, winced in pain, and coughed up a bit of blood, forgetting that his drained aura reserves still hadn't completely recovered. He didn't mind dealing with actual customers. It was just that Peter always ordered a glass of Port Wine (for some reason, the professor thought he was being brilliantly funny every time he did this), then spent _hours_ regaling everybody on his past conquests, be they Grimm or Woman. What's more, he always came with Doctor Oobleck who never drank anything outside of his coffee thermos. From the way the Doctor behaved, there were probably dust crystals contaminating his coffee grounds. These two were one more headache that Junior did not need.

And now this blond boy they had with them looked to be the same age as Goldilocks earlier. _This does bode well,_ he thought.

"Well, what'll it be?"

* * *

 _No. No no no no no. This is not safe. This is not safe. Stop Stop StopStopStopStop!_

Jaune stared horrified as the automated driving system pulled the car into the parking lot. It looked like some superhuman invulnerable beast had disemboweled a building. Various broken glass, furniture, and people appeared to have been dragged and thrown out through doorways and windows, like a maliciously gleeful child had torn out the inside of a dollhouse. Some distance from the door a bearded man staggered up and limped to the door. "Is going to be alright?" Jaune asked, his voice a strange combination of terror and genuine concern.

Port and Oobleck looked slightly uneasily. They intended to take him to a...less safe place in the hopes of getting him to reconsider his desire to be a huntsman. There was some guilt too, as part of them simply thought it would be highly amusing to see this "Charles Goldenrod McLovin" react in such an environment.

"...I'm sure he will be fine, my boy." assured Professor Port."

"Yes, Yes, this is our fault," Doctor Oobleck chirped. "We should have considered crime rate before we brought you to an establishment located in such a dangerous area."

Jaune watched as the man reached the door and made it inside. "What, dangerous? Oh no, I'm totally used to this. There's uh...Gangs! Yeah, there's gangs back home on Mistress." _AUGHHHH! STOP! WHY!_

"Oh?" Port and Oobleck raised their eyebrows.

"Ahhh...Yes! Because it is a joint island owned by both Mistral and Atlas, there are gangs from both countries that are hot at the collar for each other." _Hot at the collar? What the heck is that supposed to mean? Why do I say things?!_

"In any case, that man needs our help." Jaune hopped out of the car and made his way to the door.

"Mr. McLovin, wait!" cried Doctor Oobleck. Jaune paused at the door, while Doctor Oobleck had a quick silent conversation.

 _We can't stop him. We'd be telling a fine young man that helping people is wrong!_ expressed Professor Port.

 _I know!_ grimaced Doctor Oobleck. _It is just this is getting out of hand, and I don't want to get caught up in anything while I'm borrowing Professor Goodwitch's car!_

Port froze. _Could you repeat that? I think your glasses caused me to misinterpret you._

Doctor Oobleck leaned forward so his face appeared unnaturally large, then with exaggerated facial tics, made an expression that could only be interpreted as _I SAID THIS IS GETTING OUT OF HAND AND I DON'T WANT TO GET CAUGHT UP IN ANYTHING WHILE I'M BORROWING PROFESSOR GOODWITCH'S CAR!_

"Charles, my boy!" called Professor Port, but Jaune had just went inside the bar. Peter turned to his colleague "We'll go in, get McLovin, and we won't say a word to Glynda about where we took an underage boy with her car."

* * *

"Well, what'll it be?" Jaune blinked. Surely he'd at least be carded...

Inside Junior's mind, there was a voice. It was telling him _Just don't ask if he is a little young and he won't crush your balls..._

"Wait, are you alright? I saw you on the ground outside..." Suddenly Junior's impatience returned. "Either buy a drink or be on your way, if you are even old enough to drink." Jaune saw the professors sit down next to him.

"What? I'm totally old enough to drink!" _No I'm not!_ "Back home, I was considered one of the great heroes of the local bars!" _That isn't a thing anywhere! Who says that! Why do I talk?_ Jaune scanned the bottles to see what sounded the coolest. "In fact, I'll have a Gold Slick!" he slammed a fist of Lien on the bar. "And one for each of these fine gentlemen here!" Port and Oobleck started.

"W-Wait McLovin, my boy, one of us still has to drive the car!" blustered Port.

"Ah...oh. Wait, no you don't, it has an automatic driving system, remember?"

The drinks slid up and came to a rest in front of the three patrons. "Three Gold Slicks," said Junior.

If any of them were being honest, none of them drank anything stronger than wine before. There was a moment of hesitation before everybody reached for their glass, each unable (or at the very least unwilling) to admit this was nothing more than an unnecessary amalgamation of misunderstandings, bluffs, bravado, and fear. The professors wanted to stop. Jaune wanted to stop. But by now all the deception had accumulated and manifested in each of their minds as an irrational compulsion. "Er...should we toast to something?" asked Port.

"Ah, yes, excellent, wonderful idea Professor," briskly piped Oobleck. "I'll go first." The gold flakes sparkled in his glass "To mankind's survival in an unforgiving world."

Port stood up, knocking his bar-stool over. "Oh...to youth! And the strength to reclaim that youth!" Sheepishly, he picked up his bar-stool.

"That we might be worthy of our ancestors who fought for this land," Jaune said quietly. Port and Oobleck paused, looking at him. _Oh, no, did I say something stupid? What if they figure it out? Did they figure it out? Let me see, what did I say, what did I say? I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT I SAID!_

"Quite profound, Mister McLovin." "Indeed." Both Professor Port and Doctor Oobleck were nodding and grinning nostalgically. "Hear, hear!"

* _CLINK_ *

* * *

As Blake disappeared into the distance, Adam Taurus said in the most passionate, serious voice he could without breaking his permanent monotone, " **why must you do this to me you are tearing me apart. you drive me blake...you drive me to drink...** "

After securing the transfer of the train's contents to the White Fang base, Adam went to his quarters and opened the secret drawer in which he kept all of Blake's ribbons that he had stole from her over time. " **i rescued you** " he droned as he tied them together " **from that backwards...thinking...subservient docile family and you betray me...** " He paused, savoring how cool he sounded when saying " **betray**." " **you take yourself from me** " he chanted arrhythmical, while rapping his face in the ribbons like a mummy " **so that i cannot see you.** " He paused again, thinking something cool to say after this. " **the real you,** " he settled on, " **and now...people will not be able to see the real me who i am now being.** "

Adam looked in the mirror, quite pleased with his disguise. Nobody would be able to tell who he was, and now he could go try that bar Roman Torchwick recommended. Quickly though, he remembered he was a being of pure angst. With the appropriate scowl, he went to his car, passing his fellow White Fang members.

 _"Why does he have those ribbons on his face?" "I don't know, I stopped trying to understand him ever since I found those smutfics he wrote about that Belladonna girl." "Wait, are those HER ribbons? Eaugh...what kind of smutfics?" "The bad kind, Verd. And not the good-bad kind. The kind that non-ironically makes writers of trollfics blush."_ There was a collective shudder among the White Fang grunt workers. In the distance, they heard Adam's car rev up and skid out of the base.

As Adam drove into the parking lot, he noticed there was only one other car in the parking lot. Oddly enough, it was the same make and model as his own. The only difference was the license plate which read "GOD WICH."

 ** _i need to make sure i remember which car is mine_** he thought as he entered the bar, hearing voices speaking " _Quite profound, Mister McLovin._ " McLovin? What color was that? " _Indeed._ " " _Hear, hear!_ " Clearly these plebes could never understand the hopeless angst that forever tormented his mind...


	3. A Real Imaginary Girlfriend

**In this chapter, Jaune pretends to have a girlfriend. Adam Taurus overhears the description of this pretend girlfriend, which happens to coincidentally be consistent with Blake Belladonna. I plan on continuing to write Adam as a fairly ludicrous, self absorbed, forever alone... well basically all things I hold in disdain yet describe me (loathe as I am to admit it).**

 **If there is anybody else you want Charles Goldenrod McLovin/Jaune Arc to run into before the night is through, write a review indicating**

 **1\. A part that you thought worked well (characterization, transitions, dialogue, narrative, flow, etc). Please be specific.**

 **2\. A part that could have worked better if I had done something else with it** **(characterization, transitions, dialogue, narrative, flow, etc). Again, please be specific.**

 **3\. Which character you want Jaune to run into. (I want to keep this as "possibly canon" as I can, so please limit it to characters that Jaune NEVER directly interacts with in the show proper. Examples: Neo, Roman, Tai, Raven, heck, even Penny. I'm not sure I can figure out how to work in characters like Qrow, Cardin, or anybody like that. I might be able to do Winter Schnee if I can find a pretext to get her drunk...and I just realized how that sounded.)**

 **Well, if any of that interests you, let me know. Now, let's watch Jaune do something stupid.**

* * *

*Keh* *Cough* *haKKgGGHGHHHHhhhhh!*

Eyes and noses burning, interviewers and interviewee all had various thoughts running through their heads.

 _This is terrible! Why would anybody willingly subject themselves to this? I feel like I ate an umbrella treated with burn dust, and it opened inside me!_ "Mm! Nothing like a drink to wind down. Thanks for bringing me here, Professors." _This is punishment. I'm being punished for all the deceit, all the dishonor I'm bringing upon the Arc family name. I deserve this..._

 _How can anybody drink this stuff!_ Port's taste buds were not dealing well with the cinnamon. _I don't remember the hard stuff being this...hard. And young Mr. McLovin looks barely affected!_ To be fair, the reason Jaune showed no outward sign of intoxication was because his entire body had seized up from the drink. "Reminds me of my youth," Professor Port managed to gasp.

Doctor Oobleck had different thoughts than the experience of imbibing on his mind. He was used to highly experimental coffee (to the point that it could hardly be considered coffee anymore) so while the toxins he currently was ingesting were of an unfamiliar nature, the bespectacled man felt confident that his ability to function up to the point that at least half his shirt would remain tucked in. This was why he was the only one who found it odd when a tall red haired man with ribbons wrapped around his face came in and sat next to him. _I suppose I shouldn't judge,_ Oobleck thought. _Everybody is entitled to their own particular hobbies. Just look at Goodwitch._ The tall red-headed man quietly ordered a drink and started nursing it.

At this point, Professor Port was looking for an excuse to talk as opposed to drink. "So, McLovin my boy," he boomed, hiccuping a bit, "tell me some stories about the ladies back home." Jaune choked on his drink and Port slapped him on the back. "Cough it up, cough it up."

 _Think Jaune think, something impressive._ "Er, ah-actually, there is a girl I have been seeing here in Vale."

Port looked very impressed. _I'm very impressed,_ he thought. "Ah-yeah!" said Jaune, getting into stride. "She has long black hair..." The man with ribbons masking his face stiffened. "And she loves books..." Oobleck noticed that the man next to him was starting to grip his glass tightly. "Are you okay?" asked Doctor Oobleck. The tall redhead started, muttered something about a bad day and took a big swig of his drink.

 _Shoot,_ thought Jaune. _I shouldn't have made this fake girlfriend so localized. They are going to ask her name and they might know somebody here... I need an excuse not to be specific... got it!_ "Also, I didn't find out at first, but she is actually a faunus." Next to Oobleck, the tall redhead fell off his stool.

"What do you mean you didn't know at first?" asked Port, rapt in attention. "Well, she likes to keep it a secret so people don't judge her," said Jaune, speaking out of his ass. "I mean, it was a bit of a shock at first, but when you think about it, who wants to be branded with the same brush as the White Fang? In fact," Jaune leaned in, "she actually had been trying to get out of an abusive relationship with some extremist member of the White Fang." Port gasped. "Really!" he exclaimed.

"Err...sir? You are starting to foam at the mouth. Are you sure you're okay?" Doctor Oobleck asked the man on the floor.

Jaune nodded. "Apparently, he tricked her to leaving her family and forcibly indoctrinated her. But, she told me that I gave her hope that humans and faunus could live in harmony. She broke her ties with the White Fang, and said one last goodbye to me before telling me 'Jaune McLovin, my dearest hero. The White Fang must be stopped. I will do what I can in my own way, but the world needs hunters like you. Become a hunter, help defeat the White Fang, and then, when it is all over, we can finally be together.' Then I said, 'If tonight be the last time in a long time that we meet, let me gaze upon thy true ears, one last time.' Smiling, she uncovered her faunus ears and said 'Only for you, McLovin my love.' And with that she pulled me into the deepest, most passionate kiss of my life. Then, like a cat, she disappered into the night illuminated by the b-broken m-moon-n-n..."

Jaune trailed off as he saw the tall redhead standing, shaking with fury, unsheathing a blade more crimson than his hair. His facial features had tensed so much that the ribbons that covered it had burst right off of him, revealing a Grimm Mask. Doctor Oobleck had his weapon ready. "Peter! Get McLovin out of here!"

"You d-d-dare... to my love... my Blake, no, to MY WOMAN! You filthy, human, tainted, desiccating, putrid, deceiving, acrid, disgusting, disrespectful, diseased, loathsome, poisonous, venomous, Privileged PILE OF PUS!" Flecks of foam flicked from the faunus' face. "I will make you understand what you have done..."

Adam paused pointing his sword at Jaune. "Are...are you posing?" asked Junior from behind the bar. "Also, please, do not destroy what is left of my bar..."

"There can be only ONE RACE!" Adam swung his blade toward Doctor Oobleck's neck. "Doctor Oobleck!" cried Jaune. "Peter, now!" Holding his explosive thermos to block the sword, the bespectacled man slowly started to rotate it so that it was aimed at the masked terrorist.

"Charles, let's go!" Peter grabbed a pair of keys from the bar and Jaune's arm with his other hand. "But we have to help him!" Thirty percent of the club was on fire as the Adam and Oobleck exchanged blows almost faster than the eye could see. "And I will," assured Port, "but first I need you safe in the car."

As Port pulled Jaune toward the door, he could tell that Oobleck, for all his frenetic energy, was growing tired. If it was any indication, both halves of his shirt had gotten untucked in the midst of things. "H-HEY," Jaune shouted. "OH MY GOSH BLAKE WHY ARE YOU HERE? RUN, BLAKE RUN! GET OUT OF HERE BLAKE!"

Startled by his former partner's name, Adam looked up at where Jaune was speaking to... nobody.

 _Crack_ Adam felt himself physically lifted off the ground as Doctor Oobleck's flaming spear smashed into his groin. Collapsing on the ground, he was dimly aware of the Doctor rushing and joining up with Professor Port and Jaune. As they drove off, Adam limped up and grabbed a pair of keys from the counter.

"Are you going to pay for the damages, your bill... and of course you're not. You're driving away. Why do I even bother," Junior sighed resignedly as he activated the sprinkler system and started to sweep the broken tables and chairs.


	4. Adam's FanFiction Account Scars Jaune

**I would like to mention that this story takes place within the same universe as** ** _The Cure of Roman Torchwick_** **, so be sure to check that out.**

 **I admittedly write at an agonizingly slow pace, so if you want to be notified whenever I upload, click "follow." If you don't have a fanfiction account, it is pretty easy to sign up.** **Just click "sign up" right above the "[story\/][search ]" box at the upper right hand corner of the screen.** **It is free, and all you need is a disposable email address.**

 **And now, back to the chase, where Adam Taurus mistook Jaune for the person who stole Blake from him, while in reality Jaune was talking out his ass.**

* * *

"Get in the car, get in the car!" shouted Port. Jaune slammed the side door as he leapt in, while Oobleck slid across the hood of the car, grabbed the right side of the windshield, and swung his thin frame feet first through the passenger's side window. _Hmph. Show off,_ thought Port as he screeched out of the parking lot, leaving the acrid smell of burnt rubber and shredded rubble in his wake.

* * *

Following in hot pursuit, Adam accelerated toward the man who claimed to have stolen Blake, the man who had thwacked his little man with a phallic flame expelling weapon, and the man who culturally appropriated faunus heritage with the thick bushy whiskers he dared wear on his face. If he was being honest with himself, he still hadn't quite worked the order of which these three enraged him the most. As he approached the academic interview gone awry, he cut the driver's side door off the vehicle and dragged his sword through the road beside him, gathering up energy.

Suddenly, the dashboard scroll rang. "Answer," Adam said, and a blonde woman holding a riding crop appeared. "Professor Port, Doctor Oobleck, I am going to need my vehicle back soon. Professor Ozpin and I have just finished interviewing Ruby Rose, and if you could wrap things up on your end, I would sincerely apprec-HEY! Who are yo-What are you doing in my car!?" Slowly, Adam turned his head. "Wrong number," he monotoned. "Watch what number you dial next time you sub-faunus degenerate. **_End Call_.** " _Damn, I sound SO COOL! Where was I? Oh, yeah, my sword. Mahna Mahna na. Mahna Mahna. Mahna Mahna na Mahna na Mahna na I'm a chargin' my attack._

* * *

"He's following us!" Jaune noted nervously. "Don't worry my boy," boomed Professor Port. "He only had a sword. It is completely useless in highway combat. I'm surprised that he still is following us. I suppose he thinks that because we have the same type of vehicle, he can beat us with technique." With a sudden turn to the left, Port drifted the car such that the driver's half was facing backwards toward Adam. As the alcohol sloshed about Jaune's stomach, he felt bile creeping up his esophagus. _I will never drink again, I will never drink again_ he vowed silently. _OW!_ A scroll hit Jaune in the head. _Huh? Whose is this?_ Popping it open, it showed it was already logged in to a FanFiction account. _Who is "6u11bythep0RN53X?"_ Jaune mused as he flipped through some of the titles written by this enigmatic author.

"If you're trying to turn left on that exit to the abandoned highway, your drift is not going to take us far enough!" Doctor Oobleck noted to the driver. Professor Port was rolling down his window unconcernedly. "Bart, my friend, I have a plan. To accomplish this, I need your help. Do you trust me?" Doctor Oobleck nodded, "What do you need, Peter?"

"I need us to touch tips."

* * *

Far away, over the sound of the drifting tires, and Jaune's horrified retching at the smut he was discovering in the backseat, Adam's sword continued to gain energy from being dragged through the pavement. _Mahna Mahna na. Mahna Mahna. Mahna Mahna na Mahna na Mahna na I'm a chargin' my attack._

* * *

"With our weapons." Port slung his weapon, pointing the muzzle out his window at the car in chase.

 _Oh good, I thought for a moment he meant our pe-_ "Ready for a team attack?" asked Port. Doctor Oobleck sighed, extending his flamethrower across Port and out the driver's side window, igniting it. " Port gazed down the fleeing road on his left, and scrutinzed the approaching highway as he drifted right. _Two shots,_ he decided. _It will take two shots to gain enough momentum to make the exit. The moment of attack is...now!_

Two explosions of burst out of the handle of Port's ax, propelling the drifting car even further along it's trajectory. The first incendiary shot hit underneath the hood of the car Adam was driving, sending it spinning in a clockwise frenzy. The second shot was caught and absorbed into Adam's sword, even as the car exploded, sending him flying out into the middle of the street. As the shockwaves spread further, Port's tires lost traction with the road, spinning out and coming to a halt twenty feet past the exit he was aiming for.

"Okay," Port exhaled. "Bit overshot it, but the main thing is that Charles is safe and we protected Professor Goodwitch's car from damage."

Almost on cue, a license plate, dislodged in the explosion from the car pursuing the Professor fell spinning from the sky. With a sickening **crack** , it lodged it's bottom right corner in the hood of the car so that the text was clearly visible.

 **[GOD WICH]**

"...oh gods of Remnant..." whispered Doctor Oobleck in horror, as comprehension dawned upon him and Port.

"Doctor? Professor? I know it might be a bad time, but I found this scroll back here with... with... it just wasn't here earlier when we came..."

Professor Port sat frozen, a cold sweat dripping down the back of his neck. Unbidden, his eyes began to water, threatening to tear as thoughts of Glynda's wrath when she discovered that he shot and incinerated her car.

"Er...It has these stories on it, and I _think_ they are supposed to be romantic, or something, but frankly, some of them are just disturbing. Also, these terms keep popping up, like miniguy, blond monkey bastard, guro, golden locked trollop, vore, Schnee-dom, netor-" "OKAY! Let's get rid of that," interrupted Doctor Oobleck, snatching the scroll away from Jaune. "Peter, let's get out of here."

"Huh? Oh, right," started Professor Port absently. "Let's...wait, what is that noise?"

Far away. Adam swung his sword in an underhand arc whilst shouting "SPECIAL BEAM CANNON!" A fault line opened up down the highway, traveling down to where the two teachers and Jaune were. As the quake reached the car, the vehicle was cleaved in two, launching the teacher's in the front half down a ravine to the left, while Jaune flew off over a ridge to the right.

 _Yep,_ thought Adam as he sheathed his sword. _I'm awesome. Now why, Blake, would you hurt such an awesome person so badly..._

* * *

 **I'm not sure how this went. It was a real challenge to write a car chase action scene. I kind of prefer how I wrote Torchwick's bank robbery in chapter 1 of The Cure of Roman Torchwick, mainly because it felt more natural to write a with human movements. I don't know, tell me what you think.**

 **The reason I wrote Adam Taurus as a sort of Chuunibyou character is because I just can't take his voice actor seriously. Also, it makes sense in my head for Blake's first love to be somebody like that, then have her realize that smut novels offer more as far as a legitimate relationship than an overpossessive manchild.**

 **Next; Port and Oobleck have to bust McLovin out of jail.**


End file.
